The future isn't written in the stars. There are no guarantees. So claim your adulthood. Be intentional. Get to work. Pick your family. Do the math. Make your own certainty. Don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn't do.
Generally speaking, envy, resentment, and self-pity are disastrous modes of thoughts.Self-pity gets fairly close to paranoia, and paranoia is one of the very hardest things to reverse.